About the Moon and the Tides

A season has passed since her fateful encounter and unexpected release.

It was not as if there were no conflicting memories in her mind about her experience at the general's camp. Her mind was troubled, but as she settled herself back into her life as huntress, her mood seemed to wax and wane as the moon in the skies, and her mind drifted in and out of that period of endless time spent there, as the waves ebbed and flowed with the tides on the faraway beach that framed one of the limits of her tribe's assigned territory.

Despite her time away from the tribe, she had finally been accepted once again within it (partly because every available hunter was quite useful to the tribe and also because her strength, while not overly valued, would be missed in the tribe's defense when the creatures came).

Her betrothal to the royal family had also survive her absence. It seemed no-one but her knew of what had transpired through it, for which she was currently grateful.

 

The prince and heir to the throne was now starting to visit the tribe in order to get to know his betrothed, and they had started to develop an amiable companionship.

It felt to her as if walking by his side was akin to moving under a sunbeam in a cloudy day. 

While her inner world was still struggling to recover from the disarray caused by her captivity and the storms she held within because of it (fearing it would sometime ripple out and threaten to take her away from the tribe and the world she knew, into an unknown chaos she feared she would not be ready to survive in),  the almost childlike warmth of the prince's demeanor did wonders to soothe her.

 

She found herself feeling a bit less burdened by her troubles when he was near, as he had a natural ease to amuse her. She laughed more frequently when he was around, felt her steps a little steadier when walking by his side, and had not really noticed the size in the gap, but was capable of great efforts with less discomfort than she would have initially thought of.

It was not perfect, perhaps still far from it. But she thought she could ultimately learn to live in court with him, for as awkward and uncomfortable it could be at times for her, all because the prince was a good companion and friend.

But he was no general. He was not yet a man, hardened and polished by the trials of life as the general was. He did not have the feral drive that had bonded her to the general, which she knew she shared only with him, to the depths of an unknown, ancient link, which felt as if it had been forged in shadows and replicated all over the chain the general had placed around her neck, wrists and ankles.

 

Whilst the prince lived a life of relative confort, given his position, priviledged to see the world under a different lens, where his extended infancy had awarded him a more positive view of the world, the general seemed to have clawed his way through life, somewhat obsessed with filling the shoes of the expectations placed upon him by his superiors, and even in occasion, his peers. 

The Prince seemed to have some sort of a conscience, despite his priviledge... while the general seemed to have traces of dep guilt, despite his hedonism and savage disregard for the wishes of others,specially when they seemed to aspire to climb aove his own in importance.

The Prince asked, and was capable of insisting... somewhat and for some time, pleading his case, but threatening to cease if he did not get his way. The general sis not ask, dis not plead, did not beg. He took, snatched and conquered. Both were some sort of chaos incarnate, from different sides of the spectrum. The Prince, because of his own lack of discipline and experience. The General, on the other hand, because of his feral and raw nature, which she was so drawn to.

Even in the few times the prince seemed somewhat forceful upon her, there was little of the primal intensity the general had. It seemed as if she had the key to the prince's heart, but a chain leading back to the general's hand... Which extended to the core of his being and wrapped around his heart, lightly vibrating in resonace with each beat.

Despite being for a while in the generals' camp, she was a prisoner, and greatly ignored what her role and life would overall be within, other than his personal slave, kept mainly for his private attention and for his own goales and exclusive service.

 

She did not want to be diminished into the role of a possession, as she had experienced a life where she was everything she could ever have and lean on. Loosing her freedom and autonomy would be somewhat crippling to her. But being with the Price was also tying her to rules, regulations and expectations she would be bound to accomplished, she would be placed in a role where she would not only serve him, but the realm as wel, to some capacity...

 

She mentally compared both environments... the general's camp and the royal court. Both where somewhat familiar and somewhat alien to her. If she put her mind to it, she could belong in either, learn to fit in, survive and make her own glory... but the price for either seemed terrible. At some point, each demanded the existance of the other to cease. Both world could not hold her at the same time, and she couls not keep alternating between them forever... one day she would slip up badly and end up loosing both.

But the general had let her leave his camp, no questions asked.

 

She could occasionally feel his burning gaze, fixed upon her, as she hunted. She could sometimes hear the clinking metal sounds of the chain's links chiming, close to her ears... A reminder that the general claimed her as his and was ultimately reluctant to let go of her.

She knew she would not be always able to walk under light and shadow, she felt deep in her bones she would one day be made to choose... She knew she could give it all up, her tribe even, and attempt to start anew.... But the general's shadow would be over her, and she would always keep que floating torment of the thought: what if... for both were important to her, more than she ever would want to admit.

The General was not a predator she could outrun (nor she really wanted to).

And a life by the Prince's side, under the sun, would be surely missing the shadow that ceaselessly loomed upon her.

Could she make a vow to become royal, to pledge herself to the Prince, without remaining innerly divided?

Could she choose the shadows and chaos, the diminishing of her self, an uncertain future, all for instinct, ancient and deep as it was? could he sacrifice the bits of herself she had come ti cherish thrugh her struggles in life?

The prince loved like a growing pup did. The general loved like a grown tyrant. Both had their childlike and mature moments, seemingly in contrast of one another.

Despite their differences, they seeked and approached she same things (even her), even if their approaches and perspectives where different.

They would never get along, or see eye to eye.

Not with her in the middle, at least.

She wished she could split herself in two, to give each the half of her they yearned for...

Walking in both worlds had its rewards and challenges for her. And she found herself unwilling to give up either for different reasons.

Each of them (the general and the prince) seemed to be leagues away from each other, and yet, retainerd eerie similarities she could not place.

It was not power she seeked from the sunlit world of the prince, nor the royal status. It was the freedom and backup she had of being herself, even if sometimes the courtly expectations were somewhat suffocating on her.

It was not chaos or utter abandonment to the primal instinct and the flesh she seeked from the shadowy world of the general's camp she yearned for, but the complete complicity, the utter acceptance of her being, as shifting as she could seem to be, not being forced to choose, but led to experience and decide for herself.

Both wanted her. And she had already begun to taste the radiant life by the prince's side, even with his cublike moments where he was just stubborn, naive or whimsy... She longed for the shadow and complicity of the obscure life with the general, of which she knew very little, and not a lot of it was as enticing or rewasuring as she would like.

But she wanted to know more. If she was going to be forced to shooter someday, she wanted the choice to be meaningful and worthy. Not just a last minute decision based on a temporary whim.

She had to choose the rest of her life, and it was no small matter.

While none of them were willing to let go of her, it was the rpince's pride and sense of rightfulness that compelled him not to share. While the general secretly hoped to be able to steal whatever time he could from her, truly unwilling to let go, even under the direst circumstances, even if, against his preference, he had to share her.

She understood the reluctance to share. She would deeply dislike sharing either of them, but she knew she could not ask it from the general, given her current position...

The general would eventually look for a way to fulfill his desire for legacy, with or without her, and he was entitled to it, as much as anyone was.

There was much more the general had on his own, than what the prince had built for himself.

But there was a worthwhile life to be lived at the prince's side...

If she could only keep the delicate balance between both, without the need of such a firm and final commitment as marriage was... as motherhood could be, sice in good conscience she could not bear the thought of abandonig hr own cubs, or taking them away from their father...whenever it is she were to have any... if she was ever to be a mother, that is... 

Not that she ever really looked forward to it, not for herself at least.

Both had asked it of her... Both seemed to be competing against each other to put cubs in her belly... And she was stalling for time... Stalling to determine if she wanted such a commitment now... Stalling to know both worlds well enough to feel truly capable and free to choose.